Emotional Health
Keeping Your Emotional Health Well
Emotional health is an important part of our overall health and well being because
whether we like it or not emotions are a part of us. Taking care of our emotional
health is just as important as taking care of our physical health. When we are
emotionally healthy we responded better to stress and improve our relationships
and work performance. Since we can’t rid ourselves of emotions let’s learn how to
make them work for us instead of against us.
Here are 6 ways we might be encouraging our emotions to work against us:
1. Translating emotions as facts. Your feelings are neither right nor wrong
therefore they are not facts. Your emotions do not mean anything about you;
they are an existing part of you. If you feel unworthy, that’s okay; it doesn’t
mean you are it just means you feel that way. Reality check, most people will
feel this way at least once in their life if not more. Begin to challenge your
emotional reasoning and see what happens.
2. Invalidating or “shoulding on” your emotions. Emotions can be painful and
discomforting on their own, however sometimes we add to the pain and
shame by “shoulding on” our emotions. How many times have you told
yourself, “ I shouldn’t feel this way?” It might even sound more like this,
“You’re so stupid for feeling this way.” Since emotions are neither right nor
wrong they can’t effectively be judged or invalidated. You might not like
feeling depressed or sad; however telling yourself you shouldn’t feel that way
only increases feelings of guilt or even shame, which in turns increases
depression. And then, before you know it you are in downward spiral of
feeling bad and all that follows. Be kind to your emotions even if you don’t
like them. Try this: Say the following sentences and after each one take note
of how you feel and how your body responds. 1. “I don’t like feeling sad over
the breakup, I want to feel better.” 2. “I shouldn’t feel sad over the
breakup.” What did you notice? If you paid attention to the changing
sensations in your body you might have noticed your face frown and your
shoulders slightly shrug after you read the 2nd statement. Our body will
respond to our emotions, start to pay attention to how your body responds
when you “should on” your feelings.
3. Avoiding emotions. Let’s begin with a couple of general statements about
avoiding: 1. When we avoid things they seem to get bigger and even scarier
as our imaginations take over. 2. We avoid things we are afraid of. 3. We are
afraid of things we don’t know. So get to know your feelings in a
nonjudgmental and compassionate manner. Seek out information on
emotions and mindfulness techniques to help be more present with your
feelings. If getting to know your emotions sounds overwhelming or education
isn’t cutting it, exploring the obstacles in more depth with a professional may
be beneficial.
4. Confusing thoughts as emotions. We often confuse thoughts as emotions.
Until you get to know more about emotions here’s a good rule of thumb:
‘emotions’ are one to two words and ‘thoughts’ are usually a sentence or an
incomplete sentence. So what’s the big deal if we mix them up? Here are
some potential negative consequences: feelings are generally more
unwavering, harder to work with, and harder to change than thoughts. So
when I say, “I feel that I am not good enough.” That’s really a ‘thought’ the
feeling might be “unworthiness.” Here’s where we can get somewhere…I am
most likely feeling “unworthy” because I am thinking “I am not good
enough.” It will be a lot easier for me to challenge my thought vs. challenging
my emotions. Start to pay attention to how your thoughts are contributing to
your emotions.
5. Feeding emotions. This one is difficult! Sometimes our behavior feeds our
emotions so they get stronger and hence more overwhelming. If we want to
change how we feel we might have to starve our emotions. Here’s how it
works: If I am feeling angry and I am mean to the sales clerk I am feeding
the anger. If I am feeling angry and I complement the sales clerk I am
starving the anger. If I am feeling sad and I keep my head down and avoid
eye contact I’m feeding the sadness. If I am feeling sad and I use all it takes
to keep my head up and smile at a stranger I am starving the feelings of
sadness. Of course it’s not going to be this simple, practice doing the opposite
of what you feel like doing if you want to feel differently. Start to pay
attention to how your behavior reinforces your emotions.
6. Not taking responsibility for your feelings. Here is another difficult one, so
take it slowly. How many times do we say, “ He/she made me feel…?”
Fortunately, no one can make us feel a certain way; we are responsible for
how we feel. I’m not saying that if someone slights us we won’t be hurt
because of what happened. I’m saying that someone’s behavior may
influence our emotions however their behavior does not get to control it. If
someone else is responsible for my feelings there’s not a lot I can do to
change it. Empower yourself by owning your emotions, “ I felt angry when I
was cut off in traffic,” instead of “he made me angry when he cut me off in
traffic.” Now say those statements again and pay attention to the tension in
your body, which statement increases tension?
I hope all this feeling talk has been beneficial. If you would like more information on
emotional wellness or would like to increase your emotional health our office will be
a great fit for you! Let’s start improving our relationships, stress management, and
work performance by taking care of our emotions; it’s worth it and so are you!
“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us
the tranquility and happiness we all seek.” –Dalai Lama XIV
Check out these resources:
http://www.wildmind.org/metta/how-we-cultivate-emotions/emotions-body
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm
http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/understand-emotions.html
Written by:
Clarissa Hagy, M.Ed, LPCC, LCADC , Clinician -Click for profile.
