Understanding your Attachment Style to Improve the Quality of your Relationships with Self and Others

Attachment Theory was developed by John Bowlby and was a theory that has been long studied which focused on the relationship between a child and caregiver. The research shows that how we emotionally bond, how we interact with the caregiver, as well the responsiveness of our caregiver to our needs as a child through each developmental stage can have lasting impacts to the foundation of how we develop attachments within our relationships as adults. John Bowlby categorized these into four attachment styles.

The four attachment styles identified from attachment theory, include secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and anxious - avoidant (also known as disorganized) attachment. Understanding our attachment style can help us learn about why we may respond, behave, and form certain types of relationships with others. It can also help us recognize changes that may need to occur to form a more secure attachment within our interpersonal relationships. Working with a therapist in counseling can be a great tool to work towards building a more secure attachment style. 

Individuals with a secure attachment style have more balanced and healthy relationships within their lives. They show more comfortability with intimacy and vulnerability, as well addressing their needs, navigating conflict, and contentment within themselves. They do not need to seek validation or approval of themselves through their partners or other relationships. An adult who has a secure attachment style more than likely had a caregiver who showed consistency with meeting the physical and emotional needs when they were a child. 

Individuals with an anxious attachment style show concern around the fear of abandonment within their relationships. They have a high desire for intimacy from their partners and can be more sensitive to the mood changes, behaviors, and actions of others within their relationships. An individual with an anxious attachment style may be viewed by others as needy, clingy, sensitive, and someone who has a difficult time with trust. An adult who has an anxious attachment style more than likely had a caregiver that did not provide consistency with meeting the physical and emotional needs of this adult when they were a child. 

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style show more guardedness within their relationships. They are individuals who are more self reliant and more likely to not seek emotional support by their partner or other relationships. They are observed to be more emotionally distant. An adult with an avoidant attachment style more than likely had a caregiver that met their physical needs, but the emotional needs when they were a child were not met. 

Individuals with a disorganized attachment style show more inconsistencies of their actions and behaviors within their relationships. They may seek closeness and show more anxious traits, but then pull away and show more avoidant traits if they feel like someone is getting too close.There is unpredictability by someone with a disorganized attachment style. An adult who has a disorganized attachment style more than likely had an unstable and unpredictable home environment, as well as a relationship with their caregiver as a child. 



If you are ready to find understanding of your attachment style and improve connectedness within your relationships, call our office at 859.338.0466 to schedule an appointment to work with one of our providers. Our current offices are located in Lexington, Frankfort, and Richmond, KY. We have been trusted mental health professionals in Central Kentucky for nearly 25 years! 

Supporting articles:

https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/about-the-book/

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10047625/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337

https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/