Recovering from Infidelity

Recovering From Infidelity in Lexington, Richmond & Frankfort KY

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What is Infidelity?

Infidelity is unfaithfulness in a marriage or committed relationship that can lead to severe strain in the relationship. Infidelity causes intense feelings of anger, betrayal, jealousy, disbelief, guilt, and shame. Sometimes, an affair ends a relationship, and other times couples are able to repair the relationship on their own or with the help of a therapist. 

Signs & Symptoms

Infidelity is usually the single most damaging thing that can happen in a relationship. It goes beyond the physical betrayal to the much more profound emotional betrayal. Some of the reasons that a person may engage in an extramarital relationship include:
  • Low self-esteem
  • Primary relationship dissatisfaction
  • As an exit strategy to end the primary relationship
  • A lack of emotional intimacy in the primary relationship
  • Sex addiction
  • Avoidance of personal or relationship problems
  • Depression
The trauma of infidelity can be compared to other types of trauma, which can induce symptoms of:
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Depression
  • Unmanageable levels of anxiety
  • Un-characteristic and/or erratic behaviors.
Several different types of infidelity can occur in a relationship, including:
  • An object affair is when the neglect of a relationship is for the sake of pursuing an outside interest.
  • In a sexual affair, one partner may have sexual intercourse outside the relationship, but he or she generally experiences no emotional attachment to the other person. 
  • A cyber affair, or infidelity committed through sexts and chats, may remain entirely online and never reach the point of sexual intimacy. 
  • An emotional affair occurs when one partner becomes emotionally attached to another person. 
  • An affair might also combine sexual and emotional intimacy, generally considered to be a second relationship.
Multiple affairs may indicate an addiction to sex, love or romance. Love and romance addicts are driven by the passion of a new relationship. Sexual addicts are compulsively attracted to the high and the anxiety release of sexual orgasm. 

Diagnosis & Treatment Options

Whether you call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity, or breaking your monogamy vows, it profoundly hurts people in committed relationships. Infidelity does not have to mean the end to a relationship. For a majority of cases of infidelity, not only can the relationship be saved but it can evolve into a stronger and more resilient, and even more intimate relationship than before, with the help of marriage counseling. The process of marriage therapy is different in each situation but here's what you can expect: 
  • Each person gets to air their grievances and express how they've been hurt by the other in a safe environment with a therapist present. 
  • Once each of you has acknowledged the hurt, you can then move on to exploring what went wrong. 
  • When the events and facts are fairly well understood, you can then start looking deeper to understand what emotional and psychological dynamics were at play that led to the affair. 
  • Finally, you'll start the process of learning new ways to relate that are healthier, and that foster a sense of connection and intimacy.
Recovery, should a couple choose to maintain a relationship after infidelity, can be a lengthy process; with experts agreeing that healing often occurs within two years.
Other factors that influence the recovery process include each partner's communication skills, tolerance for conflict, capacity for honesty, acceptance of personal responsibility, and attachment style. Recovery typically progresses through the following phases:

  • Trauma Phase: This phase is often a roller coaster of emotions, ranging from loss and grief to rage and frustration, and can be accompanied by bouts of tears or conflict. 
  • Issues Clarification: It is during this time that couples begin to examine what led to the affair. Although there is still a great deal of emotional instability, partners want to understand why the affair happened. 
  • Addressing the Problem: As emotions become more manageable, spouses can tackle the difficult task of working on the issues that led to the affair. 
There Is Hope!

Once couples experience infidelity, all hope is not lost. It is possible for a couple to heal the wounds and create the relationship they desire, it will just take time to re-build trust, intimacy, and a sense of security. If you have experienced infidelity in your relationship, marriage counseling can help. Contact our office today to set up an appointment, or visit these websites for more information.

New Client Info
Lexington, KY

Darby Creek Location
501 Darby Creek Road
Suite 11
Lexington KY, 40509
Phone: 859-338-0466
Fax: 859-294-0802

Recent Posts
By Paul Dalton 05 Feb, 2016
So you live in Kentucky and only a few more weeks until spring. Everyone should be happy and feel better about that, right? I think most of us get a sense of relief and hope, and that cognitive energy to bust out of the winter season and get moving. For some, the spring can be a rough time. Depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, and relationship issues prevent the spring season from being all that it could be. Following are some reasons that these and other conditions may worsen in the spring, a few resources for you, and some concrete strategies you can implement to help yourself. 

So why do people struggle some in the spring when it should be all flowers and sunshine? 

1. Sleep
Many times the spring season causes a change in our circadian rhythm . The sun wakes you up in the am, it is difficult to keep a routine, and restlessness all contribute to the sleep problem. Our eating in the winter and spring can affect how much we sleep. Caffeine, napping, undereating, and how much we are moving, all contribute to how much we sleep. Spring likely has an effect on melatonin in the body, which aids in sleep. 

Strategies that help are EXERCISE and EATING RIGHT! If you keep moving with the help of  a tool like a Fitbit or utilize regular exercise of 45 minutes or more 4-5 times per week, you are far less likely to have sleep problems. Exercise helps you sleep. Exercise helps you eat better. Eating and sleeping adequately can reduce your stress and fight any symptoms you may have. Eating healthy keeps your mind, body, and spirit in a positive place. When your body is well, your mind has a great chance of being well too. Sounds too simple? Give it a try!

The sleep foundation can help here :  Sleep Foundation Healthy Sleep Tips
Eating Right For Spring
Here is a good link to read on symptoms getting worse in the spring: Spring Makes Symptoms Worse

2. Spring Fever is Real
Our office has existed for over 15 years now. I can tell you that March to May is our busiest time of the year, always. Bipolar disorder, marital infidelity, depression, and anxiety are the main reasons people call us in the spring. The real causes of spring fever include longer days that produce more sunshine and increased energy, changes in hormone production, sleep cycles, nutrition and diet changes, body needs, and possibly, a lack of self care. When we bust of out winter here in Kentucky we sometimes forget that it takes a little time to get our minds and bodies in shape for yard work, spring cleaning, and for many, an increased workload all the way around. Here are some links to let you know spring fever is real. 

Spring Fever
WEB MD-You Give Me Spring Fever
Wiki Spring Fever
Spring Time Bad for Depression

3. Expectations Are High

Sometimes in spring we have been thinking about all the things we should of, could of, would of done if we had lived in San Diego or Florida during our winter days. The reality of being human can set in when we find out that spring has sprung, it is time to get moving, and we don't have the energy or drive to complete our list of high expectations. Many people are disappointed in themselves and these outcomes. Don't worry about it. 

Strategies you can use include setting small attainable goals you can feel good about. Work on your list a little at a time. Make goals that regular people can reach with time built in for you to EXERCISE AND SLEEP. Do a mix of things that you enjoy and are healthy for you while completing your responsibilities. If you deny yourself from pleasure too long, that strategy is likely to backfire. Have a good balanced approach. Use a checklist that has 3 sections. One section is for today. One section is for the week. Reserve one part of the list for things your are really wanting to do. Put a vacation or planned fun activities on a calendar. Look up things you might want to do during that time online. Planning, thinking and dreaming are fine. They keep us hopeful. 

Tiny Buddha Expectations and Disappointment
Expectations at The Silent Blog
Three Ways Expectations Can Hurt You

4. Allergies

If you live in Kentucky, you know about allergies. Kentucky is known to be one of the worst states when it comes to spring and fall allergies.  Louisville is ranked as one of the worst cities in the entire country to live in due to allergies.   Many times people are unaware they are being affected. Sometimes the symptoms are less obvious than a runny nose, cough, and cold like symptoms. Many times people are lethargic, grouchy, have headaches, and have cognitive deficits. The allergic affect we have in Kentucky can quickly turn into a sinus infection, bronchitis, ear infections, and other maladies that make us mentally and physically drained. That flower below can cause us some issues! 

Get to a doctor. Take a seasonal allergy medication. Some are mild, like Allegra (please get your physician's approval before taking allergy medications) and can be taken everyday. Prescription nose sprays may help, but may also have some cognitive or mood altering side effects. Be careful, but don't suffer! Get help from an allergist if you need it. 

Allergy Resources
Pollen Map
How to Beat Spring Allergies by WEB MD
By creekmoremarketing 21 Sep, 2015

Welcome to our website!

Therapy is a great choice. It works, and I hope you make a commitment today to start. Most people find the idea of attending therapy with a therapist or counselor far more scary than the actual process itself. Here is a link that describes how the process works at our locations.

Our therapists are located in Lexington, Frankfort and Richmond, KY. See individual profiles of our therapy providers here . I hire our professionals personally and attempt to provide you with someone that will care about your outcome and treat you well. These are experts at counseling and therapy and provide services you will want to tell others about.

Our clinicians care, and you will know they are different in that respect. Providing therapy in Central Kentucky is much more than a job to our therapists. It is a profession, and a way of life.

Please let us help you today!   Contact us here   or at 859.338.0466 now.


Paul D. Dalton, MS, LPCC, CADC

More Posts
What is therapy?

Therapy is more long-term than counseling and focuses on a broader range of issues. The underlying principle is that a person's patterns of thinking and unconscious awareness affect the way that person interacts with the world. The goal is to uncover those patterns and become aware of their effect and then learn new, healthier ways to think and interact.
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