Parenting in Lexington, Richmond & Frankfort KY


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Parenting Help 101!!

Parenting is the hardest job that you will ever do!! Most parents, at one time or another, could use some assistance in dealing with temper tantrums, oppositional behavior, discipline techniques, sibling relationships, and sometimes parenting between two homes.

Most parents confront the same behaviors. Repeating things over and over, arguing, nagging and whining, manipulating and fussing. It is normal to feel frustrated with our children and even with our parenting failures at times. Parents do not fail due to lack of love for their children. Most parents want successful, happy, well-adjusted kids. We want kids who are well behaved, self-motivated, and independent. Most parents want the same thing!  We want to enjoy our children.

Parents need a plan

Problems with parenting come for inconsistencies. Parents give warnings but don’t follow through. They say what they don’t mean. They punish in anger. They attend to negative rather than positive, they criticize too much, and there isn’t a plan. Parents often will parent passively. They give in, they don’t want to confront or “rock the boat,” they want to avoid the negative interactions with their child. Or parents will act with anger. They have no plan, anger is a surprise to the children and sometimes the parent. Anger can lead to children getting hurt.  Misbehavior is a normal part of learning. Reacting correctly and consistently to misbehavior can reduce it. Reacting incorrectly or not at all can increase misbehavior. One of the most repeated things that I hear from parents in my practice is “I’ve tried everything and it doesn’t work.” Most often, parents don’t give their strategies time to work. It takes time to change behaviors that have been learned and reinforced.

Effective Discipline

Effective discipline is NOT punishment. Effective discipline is reasonable and consistent consequences for behavior. Those consequences can be either positive or negative, depending on the behavior. For example, if a child gets their teeth brushed when asked, they can receive a verbal praise “I really like how you brushed your teeth when I asked.” Or if a child makes a mess in the living room they are asked to clean it up before they get to do anything else fun.

Effective discipline is administered in a calm, matter of fact way. It is NOT delivered when the parent is angry, or yelling. If a parent yells or loses control, the child learns that the parent is not in control of themselves, therefore the child does not learn that self-control is important. The child will often lose any beneficial meaning from the 
situation.

Consequences should be immediate, proportional and logical. Effective discipline is consistent between caregivers, situations and environments. Consistency between caregivers is extremely important, because if one parent administers timeout and the other does not, the child will become confused, or will begin testing limits in order to see when consequence will be used, if any, leading to more acting out behaviors.

Make sure expectations are clear, consistent, and expressed ahead of time, so children know what to expect. Effective discipline is reinforced by adults modeling the desired behaviors, and demonstrating good self-control themselves. Children learn what they see and hear. Parents are also allowed to apologize when they mess up! Kids needs to learn that we all make mistakes and we can apologize and try to not do it again.

Keep it Simple!! Lecturing young children doesn’t work. Your child is NOT a little adult, they do not have the developmental capacity to be lectured then follow through. After a few words, you lose their attention. Keep your directives simple. Give directives that tell them exactly what you want from them, for example “please hold my hand in the parking lot” rather than “don’t run off.”

WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR CHILD’S CONFIDENCE

  1. Focus on your child’s strengths making them feel special, important, and wanted. Every day, give them compliments and hugs and tell them you love them.
  2. Uninterrupted one-on-one time. Great results may be seen with time spent with your child that is uninterrupted. Turn off the phone and the television so that it won’t disrupt time with your child. Even small amounts of time make a big difference.
  3. Help your child develop problem-solving and decision-making skills. Let them get their own drink and snacks by putting them in reachable places so they can learn some independence skills. Talk about solutions to problems. If you don’t know the answer to one of their questions, tell them: “I don’t know. Let’s find out together.”
  4. Stay positive with your child. Don’t compare them to others. Every child is different with their own strengths and personality. Focus on what they can do and provide challenges and opportunities that are appropriate for their level of development. Your child’s sense of value is directly related to how you treat them and respond to their accomplishments.
  5. Provide opportunities for your child to help and praise them frequently. Use a sticker chart or draw happy faces on the calendar when your child has wonderful behavior or learns something new. Treat them to something special when they have accumulated enough stickers, this can be simple things like letting them pick the movie for movie night, choosing what is for dinner, taking a walk around the block, helping cook dinner, getting the special seat at the dinner table.
  6. Use labeled praise. Use a label to describe what it is your child is doing that you like. For example “I really like how you are playing gently with your toys” or “I like how you are using an indoor voice right now.” This helps a child understand what you are looking for and they will strive to do that behavior more often. By doing this you can also cut down on the negative directives thatyou give your child. For example: “I like how you are holding my hand and staying close in the parking lot. Instead of “don’t run off.”

There is hope!

There are many parenting resources out there. This can be confusing and overwhelming and can lead to inconsistencies in parenting. There are many times that parents can use a counselor or a child specialist to discuss challenges together and come up with a plan that will work as well as differentiate between a behavioral issue that can be solved by parenting changes or a mental health condition that needs further assessment and treatment. A therapist or counselor is often a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), a Psychologist, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), or a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPCC). When kids are young Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) can sometimes be the focus of therapy and improve your relationship with your child. PCIT is an evidence based therapeutic approach that has proven positive outcomes in childhood behaviors. Behaviors can develop throughout childhood, therapists can help simplify the process of parenting, discuss specific behavioral challenges, work on creating behavior plans for the home, and implementing behavioral expectations and consequences that will help your child understand, grow, and learn so that they can be successful!

Resources for parents

1-2-3 Magic,  Dr. Thomas Phelan
The Explosive Child,  Dr. Ross W. Greene

Books for kids

How Do I Love You?  PK Hallinan
I Know Who I Am: PK Hallinan 
How Full is Your Bucket? For Kids by Tom Rath
New Client Info
Lexington, KY

Darby Creek Location
501 Darby Creek Road
Suite 11
Lexington KY, 40509
Phone: 859-338-0466
Fax: 859-294-0802
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Substance use is a growing health concern. 47.7 million Americans reported the use of illegal substances according to a study conducted in 2023 by The National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics. A Substance Use Disorder (SUD), defined by The American Psychiatric Association, is ‘a complex condition in which there is uncontrolled use of a substance despite harmful consequences.’ The American Psychiatric Association recognizes that someone who has a SUD has an intense urge to engage in any of the listed substances - alcohol, tobacco, or psychoactive substances that impact daily functioning, interpersonal relationships, and overall health. Another term well known for SUD is addiction. There is no single cause for a SUD but rather, a combination of factors can contribute to its development. Self-medication, genetics, peer pressure, curiosity, performance enhancement, and medical use turned misuse can all lead to someone engaging in problem use with substances and even addiction. Another study conducted in 2023 by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, showed that 70% of people who sought out treatment for substance abuse/misuse reported improvements to their overall health and functioning within the first year of treatment. There are several available options for treatment, including outpatient care, intensive outpatient care, and in-patient care treatment. It is also important to have a collaborative approach when it comes to treatment for a SUD to have the best outcome, which can include medication management, individual therapy, group therapy, peer support, AA/NA meetings, sponsor, and a healthy support system within interpersonal relationships. ​​ It's important to remember that addiction is not a moral failing, it's a complex medical condition that can affect anyone. Compassion, understanding, and proper treatment are essential to recovery and can lead to successful outcomes. Some treatment modalities that have shown success in therapy when treating SUD include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Contingency Management (CM), Motivational Enhancement Therapy (MET) and Motivational Interviewing (MI), as well as a facilitated 12 step program and a trauma focused lens. Whether you're concerned about your own substance use or worried about a loved one, help is available and healing is possible! Call our office at 859.338.0466 to schedule an appointment to work with one of our providers to start your healing journey to recovery. Our current offices are located in Lexington, Frankfort, and Richmond, KY. We have been trusted mental health professionals in Central Kentucky for over 22 years! Articles and Resources: https://drugabusestatistics.org/ https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/addiction-substance-use-disorders/what-is-a-substance-use-disorder https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6175215/ https://www.pyramid-healthcare.com/blog/2019/02/12/self-medication-and-addiction/ https://americanaddictioncenters.org/therapy-treatment

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Therapy is more long-term than counseling and focuses on a broader range of issues. The underlying principle is that a person's patterns of thinking and unconscious awareness affect the way that person interacts with the world. The goal is to uncover those patterns and become aware of their effect and then learn new, healthier ways to think and interact.