Marriage Counseling and Marital Therapy

We provide several types of assessments, surveys and checklists to begin the marital counseling process. Our purpose is to be an objective helper, assisting with communication and moving the marriage in a goal-directed fashion. We also help couples facilitate an amicable separation if all avenues have been exhausted to keep the marriage intact. When marriages do break apart, we offer individual counseling for people experiencing separation or divorce including children, adolescents and relatives affected by the situation. Although relationship counseling can be very difficult at first, it is a rewarding process that often heals old wounds, fosters change, and allows a marriage to be fixed. Our approach is aimed at helping you reach your goals.

Our view as a practice is that marriage is a commitment and we recommend exhaustive avenues of counseling and assistance prior to anything else. Our goal is to help. We will not facilitate active affairs, provide an environment for cheating, or recommend divorce. The assistance we provide stays within boundaries of a no harm approach. This means our professionals do not actively participate in any counseling activity designed to keep secrets and or foster hurting another human being, direct people to end their marriage, or tell married people what they should do. This applies in most cases, although exceptions may arise.

We do provide a supportive, professional approach to solving married problems and helping when a marriage is ending or has ended. Parenting approaches before, during, or after a marriage or divorce are something we also provide assistance with.

What Is Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counseling, also known as marital therapy, relationship counseling and couples counseling, is a type of psychotherapy utilized for marital difficulties. Sessions in marriage counseling can be conducted with the couple or the individual and a certified marriage therapist. The goal of marriage counseling is to help the client(s) assess the relationship with thoughtful discourse which will allow the client(s) to decide whether to continue in the relationship or to separate as amicably as possible.

Marriage counseling is useful for all couples regardless of age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, and/or religion. The goal is to allow couples to make thoughtful decisions about the state of their relationship and where to go from their current stage.

Couples counseling gives the clients tools they need to resolve issues in their relationship. It does not matter if the pair are married, same sex, or separated by race, ethnicity, or religion, as this therapeutic style is focused on addressing the issues in a healthy manner. The focus is to help the clients argue in more effective manners, improve communication techniques, and get to the heart of conflicts so that resolution can be achieved.

What Issues Can It Help?

Marital therapy can be utilized by a competent counselor to help address many issues which may be relevant in the relationship of the clients. These issues can range from anger to financial issues, infidelity, and even sexual discontent. The therapist will work with the individual or the couple to address the issue or issues the couple would like to resolve within their relationship.

Couples counseling tends to be a short duration in terms of sessions in which the couple learns valuable techniques which can be successfully applied to their daily lives. These techniques encourage the couple to voice their concerns in a healthy manner while remaining true to their values and desires within the context of the relationship.

Marriage counseling is not only useful to those whom are already married, but it can also provide valuable benefits to couples who intend to get married at some time. It has been found that couples counseling can help each member of the relationship gain a deeper understanding of their significant other so that they know the differences in thoughts and philosophies which separate them.

There are many signs which can appear in a relationship, married or other, which may indicate a need for counseling services. Marital therapy may be warranted in such cases where the two parties cannot communicate in a positive, effective manner. Where infidelity has been considered or been committed, couples counseling can provide help. If the couple feels that they are not spending time together in any meaningful way other than being in the same room there may be a need for therapy. Another warning sign is difficulty on the part of either person in resolving or coming to terms with the differences which separate them. Marital therapy can also help individuals who are acting in a negative manner to one another or when the only apparent solution is separation. Lastly, if it seems that the only thing holding two people together is the children they have had together, it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling.

Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

The internet is rife with stories of individuals fighting to save their marriage without the participation of their spouse. While this may be possible, the majority of sources agree that the chances of marriage counseling succeeding without both people participating are slim to none. The process can be started with one person but in order to accurately assess the conflicts within the relationship it is crucial that both parties attend couples counseling sessions together. When a counselor only meets with one of the people in the relationship that therapist only gets half of the picture. Just as a marriage cannot succeed with only one person trying, marital therapy cannot work to the full extent without full-attendance.

A lot of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or anger can be the symptoms of marital distress. These issues can lead an individual to think that they need counseling for their feelings of depression or intense anger when the root of their feelings may lay in the heart of their dissatisfaction with the state of their marriage. Individual therapy is highly useful in situations which call for individual therapy but may in fact be worse for the individual if the issues are buried in the context of the relationship. Just as a Doctor requires all relevant medical information to correctly diagnose an illness, a counselor needs all information possible about the context of presenting issues to make sound analyses and provide effective treatment options.

Individual therapy can be a beneficial tool to use while in couples counseling because it can help the individual learn better ways of thinking about situations which may arise on a daily basis. The focus of the individual therapy should focus only on the relationship and the client’s behavior during daily interactions. The client does run the risk that the counselor may be biased on the part of the client and support the actions the client engaged in during a disagreement. As such the benefits of individual counseling are not as strong as the benefits of couples counseling as the counselor only builds a therapeutic relationship with one person in the intimate relationship.

What Should I/We Look For In A Marriage Counselor/Therapist?

The qualities one should seek in a marital counselor are quite similar to the qualities one would want in an individual therapist. The counselor should make you feel comfortable, should no impose their values upon you or your spouse, and should help you find solutions in a future-oriented manner (meaning they are not looking to the past for solutions). One difference in this type of counselor, however, should be that they are determined to help you save your marriage as a couple. Marriage counseling is about making wise decisions regarding the relationship but divorce is not going to salvage the relationship. It is important to speak with your counselor about their views regarding when divorce is a viable option and whether or not individuals are capable of change. If they make you feel that change is unlikely, it may be time to look for a new therapist especially if you are seeking to protect the vows and promises exchanged between you and your significant other.

This guide provides several great tips for vetting the therapist you have selected to assist with treatment of relationship dissatisfaction. The author asserts that change can be made by all because human beings are forces to be reckoned with when it comes to people they love. The therapist should work with you and your partner to establish clearly defined goals in the first couple of sessions so that you will know when you are making progress. The effective marriage counselor will be aware that there are multiple ways to save a marriage and they will make you and your spouse feel respected and heard. The author asserts that one of the best ways to find a good marriage counselor is to talk to others you may know who have had relationship counseling. These individuals may have had exceptional experiences with a great practitioner or they may be able to provide you with names of counselors to avoid.

Another great online tool for researching tips about seeking help from mental health practitioners of many different disciplines and focuses concurs with Psychology Today that one of the best tools is asking friends or family members to recommend a good therapist to help with the issues you may be facing. If you want to remain anonymous, there are community boards which can be helpful but make sure that you feel comfortable with the practitioner before continuing. Another tip they provide is to interview the counselor. A counselor may (though they shouldn’t) say that they work with couples often when they do not work with couples on relationship issues. This is misrepresentation of their abilities and qualifications. The client should ask if the counselor is certified in any way to work with family, marriage, or relationship populations. Lastly, do not be afraid to see multiple providers until you find a good fit. If you meet with a relationship counselor and they do not seem to be a good match for your values or desires in therapy, move on until you find someone who does.

Does It Work?

"Does it work?" in regard to marriage counseling is an ambiguous question. The more realistic, if more terrifying, question is: “Will this save my marriage?” The answer to this question is uncertain because there are a number of variables to consider. This method of counseling does have the power to help save your marriage but a large portion of the work is upon the client’s shoulders. You and your spouse are the only ones who can make change in the relationship. The counselor can provide the tools but you must be willing to attend sessions, do the work, and share what progress you have made and where you have fallen short. The answer to saving your marriage is in your hands. We can give you the tools to try but you have to be the one to use them. That being stated, if you feel that you are in need of therapy for your relationship, the sooner, the better. Do not wait until you’re signing the divorce papers to seek help.

This article provides an accurate summation of the factors which affect the outcome of marriage counseling. It provides details about the pros of marital counseling over individual therapy and illustrates that the parties of the relationship are the only ones who have any control over the outcome. The author asserts that it is sometimes necessary to point out to individuals that they may be in an unhealthy relationship and that divorce may be an option worth pursuing, but this should not be the first option.

Tips To Use

Marriage counseling is another educational experience wherein the members of the relationship learn tools to help improve communication, reach healthy resolution of conflicts, and strengthen marital bonds. These tools are not fool-proof and require dedication on the part of the people involved in the relationship. No one can save your marriage for you; there are only those who can help.

John Gottman is a well-known relationship therapist who has been very effective at working with individuals in relationship counseling. He looks to happy couples to explain what is not working with unhappy couples. In his book, the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work he suggests some tips for helping couples who may be experiencing discord.

Talk

The people involved in the relationship should talk as a first step to help rebuild their relationship. You should talk about the events of your day, the feelings you may have experienced, what your plans are, and what passion drives you. It is important for the both people in the relationship to feel that they know the other person inside and out. It is hard to be in a trusting relationship when you are uncertain of what your partner may like or dislike. Share your ideas, thoughts, and emotions and make sure your partner feels heard when they are sharing. No one likes to be ignored.

Positivity

Another tool for helping reduce strife in the relationship is to bring to light the positive aspects of the person you are with. No one wants to feel criticized or belittled so it is important to show your partner that you do recognize their positive qualities.

Hollywood Myths

Hollywood provides us with many expectations and sound bytes to live up to in our relationships. While these ideas are great for movies they could actually be doing more harm in your relationship than good. One myth is the romantic notion of marrying your best friend. The truth of the matter is your wife or husband should be more than your best friend. If you feel that your relationship is a friendship then you may be neglecting some aspects of great importance. Another myth is the last ditch attempt to make things better. Do not wait to seek help if you need it, things can’t get better if you do not seek help when the relationship can still be saved. If you wait too long, it just may be too late. Thinking that your partner should save you or stop what they are doing at any given moment for you sounds great but at the end of the day this could feel quite smothering. Lastly, it is important to remember that the issues you bring into the relationship are not something that your partner is responsible for curing. The classic “you complete me” line is not an effective means of addressing the relationship you share with your partner.

Marriage Counseling Video

In this video, Dana Fillmore, PsyD, takes the viewer through some of the key aspects and core principles behind marital therapy and why couples may drift apart. This video can serve as an important guide for what to expect when going in to couples counseling as well as providing the couple with some useful tips on how to begin saving their marriage.

To choose a marriage counselor now, please visit our staff page .

Call us at 859-338-0466 today or contact us now!